Kids Do Well If They Can: Building Skills, Not Just Managing Behavior

Adaptive Life Therapy · October 2026

Most behavior plans start with a simple idea: reward the good, give consequences for the bad, and the child will choose better. For many kids, that works. But for kids who melt down, shut down, or explode again and again, it often doesn’t, and families end up exhausted.

Psychologist Dr. Ross Greene offers a different starting point: kids do well if they can. If a child isn’t doing well, something is getting in the way, usually a skill they haven’t developed yet. At Adaptive Life Therapy, we build on that idea and put families at the center of the work.

Collaborative & Proactive Solutions in a nutshell

Dr. Greene’s model, Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS), was originally called Collaborative Problem Solving and is described in his books The Explosive Child and Raising Human Beings. It rests on two ideas.

Lagging skills. Challenging behavior happens when the demands on a child exceed their skills. Common lagging skills include flexibility, frustration tolerance, problem solving, shifting from one task to another, and putting feelings into words. These are the same executive function and regulation skills OTs work on every day.

Unsolved problems. Behavior doesn’t happen randomly. It happens around specific, predictable situations, like getting ready for school, turning off a tablet, or starting homework. CPS focuses on solving those problems one at a time, rather than reacting to each meltdown.

Instead of asking “How do we make this behavior stop?”, CPS asks “What’s getting in the way, and how do we solve it together?”

How a CPS conversation works: Plan B

Greene describes three ways adults can respond to an unsolved problem. Plan A is imposing the adult’s solution. Plan C is setting the problem aside for now. Plan B is solving it together, and it’s where skill building happens. It has three steps, done ahead of time when everyone is calm, not in the middle of a meltdown.

1.        Empathy. Gather information and understand the child’s concern. “I’ve noticed it’s been hard to get ready for school in the morning. What’s up?” Then listen, and keep asking until you understand.

2.        Define the adult concern. Share your concern, briefly and without lecturing. “My concern is that if we leave late, you miss the bus and I’m late for work.”

3.        Invitation. Brainstorm a solution together that addresses both concerns and is realistic for everyone. “I wonder if there’s a way we could make mornings work for both of us. Do you have any ideas?”

If the first solution doesn’t stick, that’s normal. You return to Plan B and refine it. Each round builds the child’s problem-solving, communication, and flexibility skills, and it strengthens the relationship.

What the research says

CPS works as well as traditional parent training, with a bonus. In a randomized trial, CPS was compared directly with Parent Management Training, a well-established reward-and-consequence program, for children with oppositional defiant disorder. A 2026 meta-analysis pooling the trials found CPS produced behavioral outcomes equivalent to Parent Management Training, with large improvements within families. It also noted that CPS often produced better improvements in the caregiver–child relationship.

Involving parents makes therapy stronger. A meta-analysis of 30 studies found that parent-implemented interventions led to better child outcomes than control groups in social, communication, and adaptive skills for young children with developmental disabilities. A larger review of caregiver skills training found benefits for both children and caregivers, including better child development and behavior, stronger parenting skills, less caregiver stress, and better family functioning.

The takeaway: an hour a week in a clinic can’t match the hours a family spends together. When parents learn the approach, skill building happens all week long.

How we use a family-mediated approach at ALT

In a family-mediated approach, parents and caregivers are partners in therapy, not spectators. Our therapists coach you so the strategies work at home, where most of life happens.

1.        Identify the unsolved problems. Together we list the specific situations where things fall apart, and pick one or two to start with.

2.        Find the lagging skills. We look at what’s getting in the way: regulation, flexibility, sensory needs, planning, or communication.

3.        Build skills in session. Your child practices those skills through play, games, and real tasks. For some kids that means visual schedules and coping tools; for others, problem-solving games or even tabletop role-playing adventures.

4.        Coach the family. We model Plan B conversations, practice them with you, and give you parent-friendly tools to use between sessions.

5.        Review and adjust. As one problem gets solved, we move to the next and fine-tune what isn’t working.

CPS isn’t just for young kids. We use the same collaborative approach with teens and adults, adjusting the language and supports to fit the person.

If behavior feels like a daily battle at your house, reach out. We’ll help you find the skills behind the struggle.

Adaptive Life Therapy · 218-252-2628 · nick@adaptivelifetherapy.com

References

1.        Greene RW. The Explosive Child and Raising Human Beings. Research overview at Lives in the Balance.

2.        Ollendick TH, Greene RW, et al. Parent Management Training and Collaborative & Proactive Solutions: a randomized control trial for oppositional youth. J Clin Child Adolesc Psychol. 2016.

3.        Evaluating Collaborative & Proactive Solutions across settings: mini meta-analysis of behavioral outcomes and relational implications. Child & Family Behavior Therapy. 2026.

4.        Dyches T, et al. Effects of parent-implemented interventions on outcomes of children with developmental disabilities: a meta-analysis. 2018.

5.        Caregiver skills training for caregivers of individuals with neurodevelopmental disorders: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Dev Med Child Neurol. 2023.

This post is general education. Collaborative & Proactive Solutions was developed by Dr. Ross Greene; learn more at livesinthebalance.org.